nanovivid

First, the lighthearted stuff. New music downloading discoveries: hybridized.org and Positivenergy.net. Hybridized.org hosts mix sets from Hybrid (as the name implies) as well as Jason Dunne and Nubreed. Lots of breaks stuff there. I haven’t gotten much from Positivenergy yet, but I think they have more trance stuff. Sites with good free music are always welcome into my bookmarks.

New fun site (thanks Andy) — Lost in Translation. It uses Babelfish to translate a phrase back and forth between English and other languages, with often hilarious results. For example, the quote from this entry (I’m not pregnant, am I?) becomes The dog the pregnancy, of that unchangeability is, he who does not think? It must be like this?. As Jenni would say, lol on the floor!

This week has been fun, with a visit to Dawn and Mark’s to hang out with Nathan and Jared (and eat kitchen… I mean chicken) on Monday. Lots of good times there. Tuesday night was the "My Parents Are Gone Ultimate Mexican Bash" at Jenni’s. Yummy food, interesting conversations, Cranium, and Moulin Rouge where the order of the night. Oh, and I went for a really good long run yesterday. I’m so happy it’s getting warm!

Tomorrow and Friday I’m going to a user services conference thingy with Jenni and Andy. Hopefully it’ll be interesting and fun. :-)

Now, a little bit of serious stuff that I need to get out of my journal queue. So… the war. This quote from Martin Luther King Jr. struck a chord with me:

The world is sick with war
And everywhere we turn we see its ominous possibilities.
Wisdom should tell us that war is obsolete;
Experience should tell us that war is obsolete.
If we believe that life is worth living,
If we believe that humankind should survive,
If we believe that all life is sacred,
If we believe that now is the time,
Then we must find alternatives to war.

It’s still frustrating to me. Life goes on undisturbed, and the war is the entertainment (aka news) on tv. And I don’t feel like I am doing or can do anything. So I try not to think about it, which probably isn’t the best thing to do… but I don’t know what else to do but pray for peace for all.

I didn’t meant to end this on a down note, because I’m not depressed. So, um… :-)

♫ Jason Dunne - Q101 Mix (2002-12-07)

Good Monday morning. There’s definitely something to be said for going to bed early enough to wake up and actually be awake. I guess that’s it. :-)

So I’m feeling disappointed with myself again. Not mad, not self-loathing, just vaguely sad and blah. But I’m alright. Overall today was a good day - the apartment is clean now (come visit before that changes…). Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for me personally.

I think I need a hug. :-\

The Album Leaf - Wet the Day fits my mood perfectly right now. Drifting on the music, I’m leaving life behind.

♫ The Album Leaf - Wet the Day

Today has been rainy and had a few events worth mentioning, but only after I talk about last night…

As I mentioned briefly before, last night was totally amazing. Courtney and I got to Nightclub 9:30 at around 8pm, after a delicious dinner at Big Bowl and a visit to the Apple Store (the now-traditional trip-to-DC activities). At 9:00, The Album Leaf took the stage. Their music is such a blend of styles that it’s hard to pin down, but I guess it’s kind of minimalist soundscapy pop. The Album Leaf was an excellent choice of an opening band.

Then at 10pm, Sigur Rós came out. Their performance was nothing short of incredible. Other adjectives that come to mind include majestic, intense, beautiful, spiritual, uplifting, and emotional. Every song built up to new levels, and just when I would think "there’s no way this song can get better," they would take it up another notch. They opened with Untitled #1 and closed with Untitled #8, both from from ( ), with songs from all their albums in the middle. Untitled #8 was the most intense of all (and anyone who has the cd should easily be able to see why) as well as being a perfect closing song. Other excellent moments included Untitled #3 (one of my favorites from ( )), Hafssól (the bass being played with a drumstick gives such a unique texture and sound), Ný Batterí (from massively intense to peaceful and back again)… and every other song in between.

One of the many impressive things about the concert was the realization of how amazingly talented all the members of Sigur Rós are. They frequently switched instruments between songs and sometimes within a song. Another great part of Sigur Rós live is watching Jónsi (the lead singer) perform. He plays and sings with such passion… it feels like every note is being dragged from the depths of his soul.

This is not a night I will soon forget. It was a welcome respite from the insanity of life and the most spiritual experience I’ve had in a while. In talking afterwards, Courtney and I were surprised to find that we had both looked around at times expecting to see peoples’ hands raised in worship. There was that kind of an atmosphere to the music - a kind of holiness. Adding to the atmosphere, nobody said a single word from the stage the whole night. The bands just played, letting the music speak. And speak it did.

On the way back, Ney and I had a really great conversation that lasted most of the trip. We talked about all kinds of stuff, but especially about our current thoughts on relationships and where we each are spiritually. It was a great time to connect and get to know each other better, because as she observed, it’s amazing how you can think you know a lot about someone but there’s always more to find out.

Then after I got home, I made the mistake of getting into a war-related conversation with Jeremiah that I was not in the mood for at all. So my good mood got a bit messed up and I ended up going to bed pretty frustrated.

However, I have realized from that conversation and thinking about things that I really know almost nothing about the war. I’m not very politically informed, and so I feel inferior and threatened when trying to talk to people about it. My current feelings are somewhere along the lines of: yes, Saddam should be gotten out of power, he’s not a good ruler (and apparently his sons are as bad or worse). Yet at the same time, I feel that there are probably other ways than war. Ghandi brought about change in India with nonviolent resistance… could there be a way for something similar to work in Iraq? I would like to think so, even though I don’t know what it would look like. And I’m still uneasy about how what we’re doing will affect our standing with other nations. Also, to be honest, I don’t want war to be the right answer. In the end, though, I recognize that I don’t have enough information to make a well-informed decision, so maybe I’ll just shut up.

Here are some random thoughts from a couple nights ago:

I’m such a people addict. It’s something I’ve known for a long time, but I’m continually amazed by my ability to feeling like I need to see certain people. Yet at the same time, I seem to be finding more and more that being in groups of people is often sort of draining. So I need people one-on-one. How can I work on this so I’m more self-sufficient? Do I even want to be more self-sufficient? I know I don’t want to drain other people with my neediness. Ah… self-examination is so much fun!

Another realization: my circle of friends has been shrinking. I tend to avoid many of the people I used to hang out with. Maybe I’m afraid to let them get to know me again. Maybe I just don’t want to expend the energy and make the effort

Of course, I can’t go too long without recommending some music to download… so here it is: microlife has some quality house music. Favorite song so far: Airports. Go get it.

Going back to the concert, you can download several Album Leaf songs from their site, and eighteen seconds before sunrise is an excellent source of Sigur Rós downloads.

Things that happened today (real quick like): It rained. A lot. Went to Dave’s Taverna for lunch. Yummy veggieburger. Um, yep.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this rather long and varied entry. Here’s to concerts, introspection, and house music!

♫ the album leaf - the mp

I ask myself how much better tonight could have been, and the answer is… none. Big Bowl + Apple Store + Sigur Rós & The Album Leaf concert + great conversation with Courtney = amazing, amazing night.

I’ll write more about it soon, I really need to sleep right now.

♫ the Sigur Rós song in my head.

there’s Smoke Across the Yucatan and Central America. ::boggle:: Feeling small is good and comforting sometimes. :-)

♫ Uncle Riotous - Caleb Dub

24 hours and counting until doors open at Nightclub 9:30 for Sigur Rós!

Even in the midst of Perl and PHP during work, I was feeling heavy about the political/war situation. I don’t want to think about it anymore, but I can’t stop. Ugh.

One bright spot today: I got my CDs from Secret Archives of the Vatican. My favorite of the two is Uncle Riotous vs The Keeper of the Archvies - it’s oh-so-sweet dub with some amazing deep bass (and the cover art is just cool). The other disc Dust - The Remixes, which is also very good. Secret Archives makes such unique, quality music. I’m glad I finally got around to picking it up.

I think I’m going to go find some way to distract myself from thinking. Somebody please take me away.

♫ Uncle Riotous - Sabah Al Noor

What is there even to say? I watched Bush’s speech tonight and it sounds like we’re pretty definitely going to war. I haven’t previously discussed my views about the war on here because I don’t feel like they’re all that well thought out. Here are excerpts from the jumble that is my mind tonight:

After I went to the weight room, I went up on the hill and as I looked out on the city, I wondered how many views like that would be destroyed by our… arrogance? anger? fear? pride? Whatever it is that makes people want to kill other people.

And another thought… does god intervene and answer prayers? If not, we’re left to answer each others’ prayers. Regardless of that, it looks like we’re going to answer the prayers of the Iraqi people with bombs, and given our track record, I doubt that all our bombs will indeed hit military targets, but even then… I have trouble with the ends justifying the means.

I’m not going to say that Saddam is not an evil man, because I’m sure he is. However, there have been evil men in the past that the US has supported and even put into power. I guess I’m a little too cynical to believe that we are going to war entirely for the good of the Iraqi people and our own protection. I think it has something to do with creating a quick and seemingly easy solution to a much too complicated problem. While I’m sure it’s impossible to resolve all animosity against the US, even beginning to address it would take looking at world politics in an entirely more justice-oriented way… maybe even a bit of that "love your enemies" stuff?

::sigh:: Like I said, my mind is a whole mess of thoughts and frustrations. I want to cry and yell and run away and love people and be angry all at once. So I’m trying to lose myself in Sigur Rós…

And maybe this entry will piss some people off because I’m not supporting the war and what they see as the obvious course of action. If I’m an idiot for these views, so be it. It’s what I feel.

♫ Sigur Rós - Untitled 4

This weekend was just awesome. Awesome awesome awesome. Friday after work I drove to my parents’. We had delicious Caesar salad pizza for dinner and then my parents and I actually talked. I was able to open up to them like I’ve never done before, and it was really really good. I knew it before, but now I’m totally sure that my parents are the best. It feels so good to be more open with them. Yay!

Saturday, my mom and I went shopping for supplies in remodeling their master bedroom. We got curtains, curtain rods, and a new ceiling fan. After we got home we installed everything (and got dad involved for putting up the fan), and it all looks really nice and is a great start. Before we came back from shopping, we ate at Milan Indian Cuisine and man was it tasty! (And hot :-).

Then that night I caught John online and we talked for the first time in… a long time. John was one of my close friends in HS, and we drifted apart during college, so it was good to reconnect with him. There was some catching up to do, but we were able to actually talk on a level of openness we had never reached before. So yet another good thing.

Today, I came back home, and went to see The Laramie Project. Wow. Just… wow. It was powerful, emotional, beautiful, painful… so much all rolled together. I think it was a good thing for EMU to have.

As if all that wasn’t enough, tonight Courtney calls and asks if I want to go see Sigur Rós in DC on Tuesday. Then it turns out Tuesday is sold out, but there are still tickets for Wednesday, so *yoink* we now have tickets. So excited!

I almost forgot - tonight I found an interview with Brendon Small, one of the creators of the most excellent Home Movies. So read it and get educated and stuff. Now it is officially sleepy time. :-)

♫ U2 - Desire

We have a place to live! On Tuesday we signed the lease for the apartment and we’ll be moving in May. Ahhh… personal space.

The beginning of the week was eating-out-alicious. Monday for lunch was Bravo’s (where we learned exciting Italian phrases in the bathroom), Tuesday lunch was Jalisco (where Dan tried to order the "Super Burrito"… which doesn’t exist), and Tuesday night was a Burgers ‘n Bandits funado. Great fun was had at all events.

Last night I stopped by Dave’s to wish him a happy birthday and ended up talking for a few hours, which was really really good. We talked a lot about different aspects of relationships, which is something that has been on my mind.

I’ve been realizing lately just how much it is pumped into our minds from all directions, sometimes intentionally and sometimes not, that if we find the right person, then everything is going to be perfect. From fairy tales to movies, we hear the same "happily ever after" stories. There is also sometimes pressure from friends and relatives to "find someone," as if that should be one of the major goals of life. Yet looking around, I see so many people trapped in unhappy relationships or bouncing from one to the next looking for the right person. This isn’t to say that marriage is no good or that all dating relationships suck, because I’m sure it’s an amazing feeling to have that special someone. I’m just becoming more aware of how easy it is to fall into thinking that I can’t be complete without finding the "right person." Maybe they would make me more complete but the more I think about it the more I believe that contentment in singleness is a very important step to being able to have deep and meaningful relationships with others.

That brings me to my next thought and another subject Dave and I spent some time with — intimacy. It is so important to me that I have a few people with whom I can be transparent and intimate. I think my life would hold a lot less meaning without these relationships. Another aspect of intimacy we discussed was wondering how well married people do in maintaining intimacy. When I really think about it, the idea of committing to spend the rest of my life with a particular person is sort of odd to me. I guess it’s partially that marriage is such a commitment, but also that I can’t think of any person with whom I would definitely want to spend the rest of my life. There are people I’d enjoy being around for an extended period, but planning my whole life around another person seems very… dare I say limiting? I know there’s a lot to be said for commitment, but it just seems foreign to me. Maybe I’m destined to be single, who knows. :-)

More thoughts tonight about faith, and what my faith (or lack thereof) is based on. I’ve been finding it so much easier to make things up as I go along from my experience rather than trying to make the bible or what a preacher tells me fit my experience. And I’m not sure how I feel about that. Man, this journey thing is confusing sometimes! Yet for all the confusion, I feel pretty good about where I am right now. So that’s something.

Oh oh oh… new Joy Electric song! (I Am) Made From The Wires is classic Joy E, yet at the same time moves forward into some new territory. Yay Joy Electric!

Have a wonderful rest of the week. I’m going to my parents’ on Friday, so I probably won’t write again until at least Sat. or Sun.

♫ Sigur Rós - Leit Af Lifi