nanovivid

After spending this Friday night in the "computer room" of the apartment avoiding one of my roommates and his quasi-valentine’s date, I’ve realized how much less of a life I’ve had since moving out of the dorm, and even moreso since starting full-time work. I’m sure that I could have more stuff to do on weekends if I worked on it, but sometimes it just doesn’t seem worth it. Oh well. At least I have people to talk to online.

This week has been sort of roller-coasterish emotionally (then again, what week isn’t?). There’s a lot of stuff I’d like to talk about here but I really can’t at this point. In the end, it’s come out good, and I’m feeling better about myself as a person than I did before. It’s pretty cool to actually start liking myself. Not that I totally didn’t before, but I’m getting better at accepting who I am and running with it. Yay. (Many thanks to Ney for staying up waaay too late Monday night talking when I needed it).

One thing that’s been on my mind a couple times (once during the rather chilly seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time outside run I took on Tuesday) is about my thought processes. It seems like I need approval from someone else to allow myself to accept a thought or idea. The impetus for these thoughts has again been Bart’s talk in chapel. I’ve realized that it took hearing somebody who is in a position of authority say "hey, I have lots of doubts about this faith thing too, and here are some things I’m still not sure about" for me to really be able to embrace the questioning of my theology and faith. Why is this? Why do I need someone else to tell me that it’s ok to think certain thoughts or have certain ideas? Maybe by realizing this I can start to work around it. I hope so.

I realized that I left out something I wanted to make a note of from Bart’s evening Q&A session. This isn’t an exact quote, but it’s the general idea. He said "If you’re going to call yourself a follower of Jesus, you have no choice but to love gay people. Not to tell them how wrong their lifestyle is, not to sit in judgement of them, but to love them. Not necessarily agree with their way of life. But love them." And I’m all holla! The more I think about it, I agree that if christians could get their heads around the whole compassion thing, there would be a lot less people hurt by the church. Sure, there’s a good chance that there are rights and wrongs, but it’s no good shoving them down peoples’ throats. The only people I recall Jesus coming down hard on for their sins were the religious leaders of the day, not the prostitutes, drunks, and tax collectors he hung out with. Hm.

To totally jump subjects here, I thought I was going to really really miss "college life" once I graduated, but so far it hasn’t been that bad. Of course, it helps that I’m still pretty much on-campus and have people to hang out with, but I guess I’ve already started forming sort of a post-college group of friendships online and with people who will be staying around after graduation (yet I still have no life on Friday night… go figure). Now if only I had a place to live after the lease runs out in April… (yeah, no house news yet. poopie.)

Bouncing back a few days, Tuesday night we had a Big "PHAT" Greek Wedding Party at Dawn and Mark’s with yummy homemade pizza (mmmmm… spinach…). Nathan and Jared were disappointed that they weren’t allowed to play "Attack!" (the game where they, well, attack me) but they were mostly pacified when I read them some stories. Then we watched the movie, which I already knew I loved. "Do not let your past dictate who you are, but allow it to be a part of who you will become…. Yeah, this Dear Abby, she really knows what she’s talking about."

So there’s your update on my life. Have a great weekend. And happy Singles Awareness Day! :-P

♫ Slyder - Score