nanovivid

Today was a fun drive to Dulles and back type day. Erica needed a ride from the airport so I picked her up and we went to Clarendon to eat at Big Bowl and check out the Apple store. The meal was delish, of course, but unfortunately the Apple store didn’t have the 17" PowerBook yet. Oh well, I’ll get to see it eventually.

On the drive back we had a really awesome conversation about where we are spiritually and emotionally and all kinds of good stuff. Definitely an uplifter.

Once we got back to campus, I headed over to the forum on homosexuality, which was very interesting. Unfortunately, I missed the first half hour, but I was there for the Q&A time. (It was taped so I’ll get to check out the opening later). I think it was a good chance for people to be exposed to a range of opinions and ideas, and I’m glad I went.

After the epiphany type thing I had last week about being able to start having some sort of faith again, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what that means for my life. One thing that I know needs work is my relationships with my parents and my brother. I’ve never totally figured out what has happened to drive us apart, but I know there are things I especially need to talk to my parents about. I know I’ve caused them all pain by being distant, but it’s so hard to rebuild things. Just because it’s hard isn’t reason not to try though. But… it’s hard. Ergh.

Regardless of what I’ve decided spiritually, there are still a lot of things I’m dealing with and some habits that I’m constantly fighting to change, but don’t want to change. It’s frustrating, but I know there’s very few people who aren’t working at something similar, so I’m not alone. I wrote this a while back about the struggle with addiction to, well, anything…

what am i to do?
you seduce me with just one word
all it takes is a thought
a moment alone with myself
and i run back to you
i find security in your arms
and death too
your forbidden lips
lock with mine
suffocating me with ecstasy
how can i fight so beautiful
so treacherous an enemy
your charms are too much
you win me every time
and so the cycle goes…

So I guess that’s kind of a dark way to end this entry. Sorry about that… here, a thank-you always helps to cheer things up, right?

Thanks everybody for the support from my last two entries. It’s cool to know that people care about me enough to spend time reading my ramblings. (Seriously, it means a lot…) :-)

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