nanovivid

Last week I ran into a friend that I haven’t talked with much lately and she mentioned that in one of her classes (I think it was pastoral leadership) they had to share the story of a pastor who had influenced their faith journey. Apparently one person couldn’t think of a clergyperson but picked me. And then after they were done, other people chimed in agreeing about how I had played a large role in their spiritual development.

All I was able to do was smile and say thanks, because I had and still have a lot of conflicting feelings about hearing this. On the one hand it feels really good to know I have influenced peoples’ lives. I’m glad that I’ve been a positive influence on people. But then I think about where I am today and how much of a different person I am.

What I’ve realized is that over the past couple months is that I have sort of allowed my faith to fall apart. It’s very strange to realize that I don’t really know what I believe, and even stranger to almost be ok with that fact. Most of the time I can just go on with life as normal, but then there are times when I am no longer feeling in control that are really scary. It would almost be easier to just give up and go back to just accepting things at face value like I did for so long; to sing the happy songs and just be "ok." But that would not be real, and I’d rather bleed and know I’m alive then be "clean" and "good"… and dying inside. Still, sometimes I want to give up and just believe that Jesus is coming back tomorrow to make everything ok… but I’ve been promised that before and it definitely didn’t happen (yeah, I know that’s a whole different can of worms).

So things are still in a very fluid state. I haven’t abandoned my faith in Jesus, but I guess it is sort of on hiatus at the moment. I saw this quote on one of my friend’s profiles and it really hit home: "Change comes when the pain of staying the same is too great." So true.

Now on to the lighter side of life! Friday I went with Ryan and Rianna (pronounced Rie-aaan-ah, not Rie-ah-nah :-) to see The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe performed by The King’s Players at Liberty University. I have to say that play was one of the most unintentionally hilarious theatrical events I’ve ever witnessed. If I had it on video, the MSTing would practically write itself! So what made it so awesomely bad? Let me count the ways…

• Way ghetto set and costumes. We’re talking dumpster diving quality here.
• Acting worse than Manos: Hands of Fate (ok, so that’s a little extreme… but it was close).
• Opening music: badly done generic praise music (and it was solo trax!)
• Intermission and closing music: the score of the original Lord of the Rings movie (the old one, not the one that’s making bazillions now), which Ryan informed us is "one of the most brilliant pieces of music ever written" or something to that effect.

There were so many times during the play that I had to try really hard not to laugh out loud, because I felt bad for laughing at what was obviously not meant as a comedy. But it was so freaking funny! If they reworked it as a purposeful comedy, I think they would have a hit on their hands.

Then on Saturday, Ri and I saw Catch Me If You Can. We both thoroughly enjoyed it. I thought that Leo gave a decidedly non-sucky performance, and Tom Hanks wasn’t half bad either. :-) Definitely recommended as a fun movie (that also deals with some weighty issues such as finding self-identity and moving on from the past).

House update: Things are still up in the air. Steve and I talked to the landlord today and it went… ok. He’s gotten burned a lot in the past and how do you convince someone you’re not going to trash the place? We’re still hopeful that it’s going to work out.

Music: I got the new Sheltershed cd. It totally rocks. Of course, how could anything with spoken-word poetry by LaDonna Witmer not rock? Favorite songs: Rainbow, Dreams, DJ Culture, Coriander. Go get your copy today!

Here are some must-visit links:

• From the things-that-shouldn’t-work-but-do department: Johnny Cash - Hurt music video. Yes, Johnny Cash covers Nine Inch Nails. This is one of the most powerful, gut-wrenching videos I’ve seen in a while. Just a total "wow" experience.
• Interview with The Brothers Chaps… you know, the Homestar Runner guys. Good stuff.
• Linux Switch parody - I want a beowulf cluster of atomic supermen!

Update
Somehow I managed to totally forget about seeing Bowling for Columbine yesterday. I’m not sure how I did it, but thanks to Dave for reminding me. If you get the chance, I would highly recommending seeing this film. It’s a documentary, but not the boring PBS kind. :-) One of the main questions of the film is why the US has so many more gun-related murders per year than any other country in the world. The answers he comes up with have nothing to do with a need for gun control or any of the usual methods used to address the problem. Drawing from Barry Glassner’s book The Culture of Fear, Michael Moore highlights how much our media focuses on things that scare us and keep us in fear. If you want a movie that will make you think, check it out.

♫ Dijitol Kitchin